Several years ago, long before I ever enrolled in a coaching certification program, I knew I wanted something different. I didn't yet know exactly what that something was…only that I was increasingly drawn to the world of personal development. I was reading everything I could get my hands on, paying close attention to the moments when people realized they were capable of more than they'd previously believed. The more I explored that world, the more energized I felt.

At the same time, I was building a successful corporate career and helping support my family. For years I'd made a deliberate choice to stay in my corporate role because it offered stability, and I don't regret that. But there was a growing disconnect between what I was doing and what I felt pulled toward.

I thought about coaching often. I'd imagine what it might look like to help women create real, meaningful changes in their lives. I'd research certification programs, read success stories, and then quietly close my laptop and go back to work. This pattern repeated itself for years, and every time I considered taking the next step, I could immediately generate a long list of reasons why the timing wasn't right. The certification would require a significant investment. The kids were young. Work was demanding. There was always something — another project, another responsibility, another practical reason to wait just a little longer.

I thought I was being responsible. Looking back, I can see I was doing something else entirely.

I was waiting for permission.

Not permission from another person. I mean, nobody was telling me I couldn't do it. My husband was supportive. My family was supportive. What I was really waiting for was permission from my circumstances. I was waiting for life to get less complicated, for my schedule to magically open up, for some future version of reality where the decision would feel obvious and risk-free. But life doesn't work that way. There is always another responsibility, always another practical argument for staying exactly where you are.

One day, after the same internal debate for what felt like the hundredth time, it hit me. I realized I'd been treating my circumstances as though they were the decision-maker. As though my calendar would eventually decide, or my bank account, or some invisible authority who would step in and announce that all conditions had been met and I was finally free to pursue what I wanted. When I saw it that way, it almost sounded absurd. Nothing outside of me was going to make this decision. If I wanted something to change, I would have to be the one willing to change it.

That realization hit me like a lightning bolt. But it didn't erase my doubts or make the path forward easy. What it did was stop me from waiting for perfect conditions and start me looking for a first step. That first step eventually led to certification, to coaching clients, to workshops, to a community of incredible women, and to work that feels deeply meaningful. But none of those things were visible when I started. What was visible was only the next step.

I've since come to understand that this pattern shows up for women everywhere, even when the details look completely different. Most women aren't waiting to become coaches, like me. Maybe they're waiting to start a business, write a book, finally prioritize their health, pursue a creative interest they've quietly shelved for years, or simply make themselves a priority again. The specifics vary, but the underlying experience is remarkably similar: we become so focused on what needs to happen next that we lose the habit of checking in with ourselves at all.

Think about how often we ask practical questions. What needs to get done? Who needs me? What's the responsible choice? Those questions aren't inherently bad. In fact, they help us build careers, raise families, and navigate complex lives. The trouble comes when they're the only questions we're asking, because at some point, we can become experts at managing obligations and beginners at recognizing our own desires.

That's why I believe one of the most important questions a woman can ask herself is also one of the simplest: What do I want?

Not what should I want. Not what would make everyone else comfortable. What do I actually want?

For some women, the answer comes quickly. For others, the question feels surprisingly difficult, and that's worth paying attention to. When you've spent years responding to everyone else's needs, it can take time to hear your own voice again. And sometimes the answer isn't a major life change. Sometimes it's more rest, more creativity, more time to yourself. Sometimes it's bigger. What matters isn't the size of the answer. What matters is being willing to ask.

Because here's what I know from that moment years ago, and from the women I've had the privilege of working with since: your wanting is not a problem. It's not selfish. It's not too much. Your desires are information. They are clues about who you're becoming and what your life could look like if you trusted yourself enough to follow them.

Permission isn't something that arrives from the outside. It doesn't come from the right timing, the right bank account balance, or someone finally telling you that you've earned it. At some point, it becomes something you choose to give yourself. And that moment, whenever it arrives, changes everything.

So here's your invitation: find a quiet moment today — even just five minutes — and ask yourself the question. What do I want? Not what you should want, not what makes sense on paper, not what would be easiest to explain to someone else. Just let the question sit there and see what comes up. Don't judge it, don't talk yourself out of it, don't immediately start problem-solving around it. Just notice. You might be surprised what's been waiting for you to finally ask.