A working mom with school-age children and the typical demands of managing work, family life, and social interactions might receive anywhere from 60 to 150 requests for their time each day. These estimates can fluctuate based on the nature of your work, the size of your family, and your social circle, and can include anything from a simple “mom, can you make me a snack?” to a call from the Parent Teacher Organization asking if you’d consider co-chairing the pizza lunch committee, or—maybe more fun—your boss requesting that you fly to Barcelona to support a company event for a week (true stories!).

Some of these requests are an easy yes—they’d take about five minutes and you wouldn’t miss a beat (and let’s face it, might even save you 30 minutes of dealing with tantrum behavior…and I don’t just mean the kids)—but others require a bit more consideration before committing your time and energy.

Before I jump into the aforementioned four questions (see headline), I’d like you to consider these three CRITICAL things that people with healthy boundaries understand:

You are NOT obligated to give someone an answer on the spot! This assumption that we must respond to a request right then and there is a symptom of our “instant gratification” society. And our first, quick, knee-jerk response is often the wrong one. Instead, take a beat—or a breath—and give yourself some space before replying. A simple, “let me get back to you” is a perfectly reasonable and acceptable response and gives you the time and space to think it through.

It’s absolutely, completely, TOTALLY okay to say no! Understanding this is the key to having healthy boundaries! It’s also okay to say yes, but with caveats. You don’t have to agree to all the terms. Be empowered to make a counteroffer if you are not able to commit at the level you are being asked. Nothing is set in stone, and it’s more than likely NOT to be a matter life or death. You have absolute control over your own time and how you choose to spend it.

“No” is a complete sentence! We do not have to give a reason or explanation unless we want to. And even then, keep it short and sweet. “I’m sorry, but I really don’t have the time” is a perfectly fine response. (If you are someone who tends to give long, drawn out responses full of the reasons why you have to say no, you might want think about why it is you feel that need to overexplain.)

The Four Key Questions

So how do you know whether to say yes or no? The next time you are faced with a request for your time, ask yourself these questions before you commit:

1.       Do I really want to do this?

Trust your gut: What did your body do when you were approached with this request? Did you tighten up? Get short of breath? Think about the feelings or thoughts that immediately came to you: anxiety and stress, or curiosity and excitement? Would you be saying yes from a place of true desire to do it—or out of a sense of obligation for fear of conflict?

2.       Do I really have the time?

Be honest with yourself on this one. How much time do you think this will take? Minutes? Hours? Our will it be a never-ending time suck? Is it a quick-turn kind of favor, or a long-term commitment? What might you have to give up in order to make the time to do it?

3.       What will I get out of this?

I don’t mean this as a quid pro quo situation like, “what’s in it for me?” We don’t always have to be getting something tangible in return for our time, like money or recognition. It could be something as simple as a sense of accomplishment or feeling good about yourself for doing something for someone. But if the answer is “nothing,” “not much,” or “a lot of stress and conflict,” that might be a dealbreaker.

4.       Is it worth it?

This question may be the one that trumps all others. Because if you really feel this use of your time is truly worth it, that will be your reason for wanting to do it, and you will make time for it, and any angst that might come with it would be far outweighed by the fact that it is WORTH IT to you. That said, your other answers may dictate just how much you can commit to. For example, does your child love to see you at school during the day? Then maybe you’d make the time to volunteer to serve pizza lunch once a month…just maybe not to be co-chair of the pizza lunch committee!

So before you commit to anything or anyone else, make a commitment to yourself to take a beat, say you’ll get back to them, and consider these questions to ensure you make the right decision for YOU.